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Willowy and Wanting

Written by Juliet Bennett
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“JULIET”

Willowy and wanting

to experiment

by stretching to the time

of high expectations,

which the contented and closed

would never wish to see,

you are a beautiful model

of curious discontent

who like a magnet draws

the lively and the lustful.

 

Willowy and wanting

to realize the promise

of so many customs,

you mix the ingredients

of epicureans and hedonists,

cartwheel through life’s carnivals

yet know the need

to trim the sails,

feel for the wind

and tack towards the still harbour.

 

Willowy and wanting

to resist the claims

of those who might insist

that security begets success,

you show the philosopher’s touchstone –

the humour of humanity

the colours of your choosing

and each day your giving

an indispensable

spontaneity in kissing and hugging.

 

Such a reward to laugh with you

and what a fortune

for those who love you !

 

by Stuart Rees

A tribute to your 30th from the Norwegian coast… for July 6th, 2012.

 

 

See more of Stuart Rees poems on the Sydney Peace Foundation website – click here.

Adventure, Featured Posts

Musings on Marriage

Written by Juliet Bennett
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“I obviously support gay marriage under the principle that why should only heterosexuals suffer.” Jeffrey Eugenides.

“In thickening thighs and boring anecdotes, I now pronounce you man and wife…” Kathy Lette.

Watching the Writers Festival panelists on Q&A discuss the question of marriage, I was reminded of some old musings. I thought I’d already blogged them, but discovered I hadn’t…

There are two very different uses of the word marriage, which I think we often confuse: the socio-legal institution and the long-term relationship:

‘The debate about marriage rests on a fundamental confusion. The word “marriage” has two quite different senses. One is the socio-legal institution, which in effect amounts to a tripartite contract between a man, a woman, and the state. The other is the long-term committed relationship entered into voluntarily by people who, because of their affection for one another, wish to pool resources and share the joys and burdens of life… Most people who wish to marry in the second (relationship) sense assume they must do so by marrying in the first (socio-legal) sense.’[2]

In this day and age with prenuptial agreements and high divorce rates, is socio-legal marriage an obsolete construction? In a way, yes. But it still has some uses.

I think most people are more interested in a long-term commitment (though not necessarily till death) than the socio-legal institution. Of course there are others who are more interested in institution, often more so from a religious sense which defines marriage as between a man, woman and “God” (which let’s face it, tends to include a subtext of Church and State).

Why do we continue to involve the State? For the tax benefits, working visas, and security blankets?

Grayling connects the roots of socio-legal marriage to a ‘profoundly sexist financial arrangement’ originating with an aim ‘to constrain women’s sexuality and fertility so that men could be sure they were bequeathing their property to their own offspring.’[3]

I think these days the security blanket (and thickening thighs that often develop under it it) goes both ways, at least in countries where women have rights.

My favourite approach to marriage is a touch unconventional: a five year marriage. I think it should be a legal requirement that marriages need to be renewed every five years. It would mean that no one gets too comfortable and lets their anecdotes get too boring. I actually think divorce rates would decrease as people wouldn’t feel obligated and resentful toward the contract the self of their past once made. It would also mean that commitment phobes would relax, so maybe even the number of marriages would increase.

A good friend who married her German lover to make it easier for him to stay in Oz. Two years on they are still in love. A whimsical, risky, spontaneous marriage, using the socio-legal version for their own benefit. A realistic vow: “let’s see what happens”… If it doesn’t work, what harm has been done?

“I think we need to be more realistic about our wedding vows because usually it’s not, you know, in sickness and health and all that that breaks up marriages.” Kathy Lette continued to suggest. [1] I think it’s more realistic vows would be a big help. There’s only so much that the you in this moment, can promise for the you that will be in the moment in ten years time. You can do your best to honour the promise you made ten years ago, but I think it’s important to forgive one another if the terms of the promise, held in another time, are better to be broken.

As Grayling points out, ‘Marriage as a mutuality of true minds and tender hearts, so long as it lasts, is the happiest of states, whatever the number and gender of the parties to it; and the only effect that marriage in the socio-legal sense has had on marriage in this deeper sense, is usually to spoil it.’ [3]

I guess in my friend’s case the opposite occurred: the socio-legal allowed the long-term commitment to be given a chance.

According to Jeffrey Eugenides (author of The Marriage Plot) part of the problem is the disappearance of “limerence” which are the endorphins that make romance work at the beginning, but which have a used-by-date of two years, three at most. Jeffrey Eugenides notes “then you have to develop some other kind of attachment and if you don’t you really won’t make it together because you won’t have that dizzy, you know, crazy love feel the whole time.” [1] I think there are ways to keep limerence alive, but maybe that’s because deep down I’m a romantic and an optimist, and I don’t want to believe the passion might one day end.

I’m also part-realist. Whether we find more than one kind of attachment will probably be a determining factor when it comes to the Exit from the Relationship Freeway that we choose to take:

Barney Stinson: Freeways have exits, so do relationships. The first exit, my personal favorite, is six hours in. You meet, you talk, you have sex, you exit when she’s in the shower.
Robin Scherbatsky: So, every girl you have sex with feels the immediate need to shower? Actually yeah, I get that.
Barney Stinson: [ignoring what Robin just said] The next exits are four days, three weeks, seven months – That’s when you guys [pointing at Ted and Robin] are gonna break up, mark your calendars.
Ted Mosby: Hey!
Robin Scherbatsky: What?
Barney Stinson: Then a year and a half, eighteen years, and the last exit: death, which, if you’ve been with the same woman for your entire life, it’s like “Are we there yet?”

I already wore my wedding dress – in a Yumi Katsura fashion show in 2006.

[1] Q&A Monday 21 May, 2012 http://www.abc.net.au/tv/qanda/txt/s3502530.htm BTW am I the only one that didn’t know Mark Zuckerberg ended up marrying his college girlfriend?

[2] A. C. Grayling, Life, Sex, and Ideas : The Good Life without God (Oxford ; New York: Oxford University Press, 2003). pp. 43-44.

[3] Ibid. p. 44.

 

Adventure,

MY BRAZILIAN (… and a kombi named Betty)

Written by Juliet Bennett
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102 days, 6 countries, 3 girls, x boys & 1 kombi named Betty.

So I’ve mentioned “my book” a million and one times, the travel memoir I’ve been working on every since my trip to South America some three years ago now. Think Eat Pray Love with a twist. As described in one of my proposals:

“Beginning by following others, and chasing love, Juliet finds herself travelling down a long and winding road to Brazil — through Paris, Japan and Christianity — the so-called “first world” that sits as a background to her first-hand experiences of South America. Wrapped around this tale of travel, food and (unrequited) love, is a deeper story about the narratives that construct our sense of self, and our world. The book uses unconventional, highly reflective storytelling techniques, partially inspired by French philosophy, as it toggles between breathtaking natural beauty, romance, meditation, and long, ramshackle bus rides.”

 

Well in May 2010 I finished my first draft (250,000 words) and in December 2011 I finished editing it down to my ninth draft (97,000 words – a typical book size). It took a HUGE amount of time, dedication, and help from a number of friends including “my American” (– words fail).

I haven’t yet had much luck with the literary agent who liked my proposal back in 2010, nor a publisher I submitted to a few weeks ago. And, well, in short I’m impatient. So I think I’m going to try the e-book thing which pretty much relies on one’s own ability to do PR and catch reader’s attention. No idea yet how I’ll do that. First step is to design a cover. Either something along the lines of the one above, or this one:

Blurb for the back:

This could be a story of love, fulfilment and self-discovery. It’s not. Surrounded and engulfed by raging, clapping, endless cascades… His blog was her obsession. They were living her dream. A planet of falls, lush forest, spray and rainbows… A South American odyssey. Fractals. Conscientization. What does love mean? Just fucking go. Perspective. Whirlwind. Water tumbled 80 meters down, so powerfully that it came back up again as mist, lingering everywhere… Co-authorship. Brazil. Freedom. Awe, turmoil, and transcendence. A white dove flew fearlessly along the edge…

Contents:

Prologue: Stories

PART 1 — STRIPPED BARE
Chapter 1: Time (Sydney)
Chapter 2: Live Earth (Buenos Aires)
Chapter 3: Jesús Calling (The Gringo Trail)
Chapter 4: Enchanted Isles (Galapágos)
Chapter 5: Enough Edgar (The Gringo Trail)

PART 2 — GOING SOUTH
Chapter 6: Enferma de Amor (Cusco)
Chapter 7: Nunca Say Nunca (Bolivia)
Chapter 8: Serenity, or not (Chile)
Chapter 9: ‘Doing a Bariloche’ (Argentina)
Chapter 10: The Fall (Iguazú & São Paulo)

PART 3 — ON TOP
Chapter 11: Does Size Matter? (Southeast Coast)
Chapter 12: All’s Fair… (Arraial d’Ajuda)
Chapter 13.1: Living Naked (Salvador)
Chapter 13.2: Yes and No
Chapter 13.3: Alone, with Others
Chapter 14: The Dénouement (Rio de Janeiro)

Epilogue: Death and Rebirth

Prologue:

What do you want out of life? Love? Money? Children? Adventure? Do you ever think about why you want these things? Do you think they’ll make you happy? What if they don’t? What if this idea is a just a story? Do you ever question the story? Do you wonder where these stories come from? Do you ever wonder if there’s more to the story?

I do. I think about these things a lot.

Maybe it’s because some stories I believed in my youth proved to be false. Like the one about Jesus being the only path to God, and like the one about modelling making me feel beautiful. Losing trust in these stories makes me wonder what other things I tell myself may prove to be false. Out of distrust grew doubt, out of doubt grew curiosity. The slow tantalizing process of striping away layers, plucking apart stories and moving closer to the “Truth”. It was a process that started long before the story that I’m about to tell you, and sure to continue long after it.

In South America I plunged into a whirlwind of stories that make up cultures, history and identity. Somewhere between New York and Rio I was hoping reignite the flame and live out my dream. What followed was richer and more meaningful than I ever expected. Years’ worth of life experiences packed into 102 days, spread across six countries. It was a search for freedom, for happiness, for love — and one beautiful beaten-up kombi named Betty.

Any thoughts?

Shall I publish as an e-book? Which cover? Is it something you’d buy? How much should I price it? Some recommend putting it on there for $1. But is that de-valueing my work? Or will it help it get out there? Shall I keep trying for the traditional publishing? If you have any connections to publishers or literary agents around the world… or any thoughts on the above… I’d love love love to hear!

Adventure, Truth, ,

A human life, one million hours

Written by Juliet Bennett
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In the scheme of things when you spend two hours in traffic each work day, or half an hour waiting in line for a coffee, or forty hours a year gathering together your receipts and filling out your tax return, what % of your life are you spending doing things you don’t want to be doing?

…

[A deleted scene from My Brazilian]:

At a restaurant in Argentina, after many-a glasses of Malbec and chocolate fondue, I found myself in an existentially mathematically reflective mood.

“How many hours am I to be on this planet?” I asked, taking pen to paper.

Let’s say I’m really lucky (or not, depending how well I maintain health) and I live to 120 years old.

120 years (x 365) = 43 800 days, which (x 24) = 1 051 200 hours.

‘A million hours! That’s really not very much.” I frowned at my diary.

(x 60) = 62 412 000 minutes.

‘Hurry up with that bill,’ said Rosa after I’d shared my calculations.

‘Not many hours left,’ Kellee joked.

‘Changes your perspective doesn’t it.’ I remarked.

 

…

So… say I spend 50 years working somewhere it takes an hour in transit to reach each day… 50 years (x 48) = 2400 working weeks (x 5) = 12000 working days, (x 2) = 24000 hours in transit. That’s (24000/1051200) = 1% of my life sitting in traffic! Crap!

How long did I just spend posting this? How long did you spend reading it? Tick tick tick tock… 🙂

Adventure,

Costa Rica – a Parade for Peace

Written by Juliet Bennett
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A month ago I passed through Costa Rica for two reasons (1) to check out the University for Peace and (2) being stingy (bargain flights to LA). I was pleasantly surprised to discover that, like bear statues in Berlin a few years ago, and elephants in Copenhagen last year, San José was spotted with colourful statues of doves…

It is probably no surprise Costa Rica was hosting a “Parade for Peace” considering it also:

(1) has no army (abolished permanently in 1949)

(2) is considered the “greenest” country in the world (and is planning to be the first carbon-neutral country by 2021)

(3) ranks first in the Happy Planet Index [1]

(4) houses the world’s first University for Peace

(5) is soon to be the HQ for The Earth Charter (more next entry…)

It’s also probably not much of a surprise that the University for Peace was up in the mountains in one of the most… wait for it… peaceful places to study. Hm… maybe I’ll go back one day…

 

References:
[1] Ashley Seager (2008-07-04). “Costa Rica is the world’s happiest and greenest country in the world.”. London: Guardian.co.uk. Retrieved 2009-07-04.

 

 

Adventure,

“Meeting the world” at Encuentros

Written by Juliet Bennett
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The word “encuentros” translates in English to “meeting” or “to encounter”. Or as my friend translates it “Encuentros is a Meeting Point.” The philosophy behind this restaurant/bar/cafe in Granada, Nicaragua, is that it is a place to “meet the world”.

Having travelled the world making documentaries (as well as doing a Master in Peace and Conflict Studies in Sydney) Erik Hof, with the help of his dad Rob Hof, set up this unique fusion of world food, cocktails, culture and conversation, with pool parties and a cinema to top it off. No wonder I almost didn’t leave…

“It seems the path to peace must involve creating a place where people can meet ‘the other’, talk with ‘the other’, and see that in fact there is no ‘other’,” the Hof’s explained Encuentros’ philosophy. “It is much harder to cause harm to someone, to stereotype or hate groups of people, after you have met them. This is our attempt to create such a place, Encuentros: a place to meet the world. After you meet people from around the world, from different world’s within our shared world, it becomes explicitly clear that while we have our individual communities, we are also all part of one large global community. While we each have and share infinite number of stories, these stories combine together to create one shared story of humanity. These stories need to be shared, through conversation, and we need to talk about where our collective story is headed.”

Ok, so this is my elaboration on a many conversations I had with the Hofs (you can probably hear my words in this spiel loud and clear..) Anyway the Encuentros philosophy and idealistic aspirations lined up with my own. How you do carry it out in a realist’s world, I’m not sure.

Is it possible that by “meeting the world” or “putting a face to the other” we can move toward greater states of peace? Is a place like Encuentros a productive way to do this? Or (to maintain a critical perspective), is a place like Encuentros just another place to have fun? Well it’s definitely the latter, and if it’s even a little bit the former, then I think it’s a good thing 🙂

Some events photography I did for them: Encuentros – Salsa Night & Pool Party 13-14th Jan 2012: (click one to open in a viewing window)

Check out their website: http://encuentros.com.ni/

 

 

Adventure,

The Woes of the Girl-Who-Cried-Surprise

Written by Juliet Bennett
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There was a girl who hated being bored. She hated boredom so much that she liked to do the unexpected. She almost killed herself diving into the deep end, time and time again. It was an intense way of life. It had its benefits. It also took its tolls.

Surprise surprise, that girl is me: I’m home. As in, my home in Sydney, “Surprise!”

I feel like the boy-who-cried-wolf, but with surprises. It is the second time I’ve turned up in Sydney unannounced. I’ve booked tickets that transport me half way around the world with less than 24 hours notice. More than surprising others, I like to surprise myself. I like to keep myself guessing. Does that sound schitzo? Hm.

In the last seven months I’ve played the girl-who-cried-“I’m coming home” too many times:

I almost changed my return flight to last August, but then I pushed on. I was supposed to come home for Christmas, but then I extended for six weeks in Canada. When I added Nicaragua into the mix and I put the wheels in motion to change extend again, bailing on weddings, announcing my plan to study where it’s sunny and cheap. I was in no rush to return. Then at the last minute I decided not to change my flight, and not to tell anyone.

My sisters jumped out of their skins when they saw me. My parents were over-the-moon. I called friends and turned up at doors to say: “Guess who?!”

Why tell people you’re coming home when it’s much more fun to surprise them? Well, maybe with a little noticed I’d have a car and place lined up…

A week ago I was in sunny Granada staying at Pure Gym, teaching Yogalates twice a day, sitting by the pool sipping Pina Coladas most afternoons and partying a little at night. Now I’m in Sydney at my grandma’s house with a 9:30pm curfew, and waking up at 4am (the present time of writing) with jet lag contemplating my intentionally spontaneous behaviour. Will too many surprises one day also get boring?

I’m very happy to be home, but not so happy to be living the agony Carlin satirised in Stuff. Where did all these piles of stuff come from? I have some stuff at under mum’s house, some stuff in grandma’s garage, some in this room, that room, some in a box in Vancouver, some in Hickory, some in a car, and some still in my backpack, and all of that stuff is mixed with other people’s stuff.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac[/youtube]

Having somewhat lived out of a backpack for seven months it’s like Christmas, rediscovering all my stuff. But (like Christmas-time) it is also involving fake smiles and gracious acceptances. What was I thinking when I bought these things? What am I going to do?! I feel like I can’t do anything until I find a place for my stuff. I have NOWHERE to put my stuff!!!

So now I’m on the hunt for accommodation in the ghastly Sydney rental market – to find a place to house my stuff, simultaneously looking for jobs, figuring out cars, moving towards selling my scooter… all the boring stuff: cars, houses, money — then I’ll be ready to… buy more stuff — urgh!!!

Oh well, I guess you have to take the good with the bad. Travel comes with jetlag. Life in the 21st century western culture comes with stuff. And we need places to put it, and some way to save for our next trip. Work. Sleep. Spend. The cycle starts. The cycle continues…

Adventure, ,

Madrigal’s Magic Key to Spanish

Written by Juliet Bennett
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I love it when Spanish words resemble their English equivalent. Madrigal’s Magic Key to Spanish, illustrated by Andy Warhol, is a cheat code for English speakers to learn Spanish. Carried out with a sense of humour too. See if you can guess these words: diferente; conveniente; elefante; producto;  intereste;  nación; universidad; usé... I’ve been recommending this book to so many people that I figure I should share it on here.

Some the cheat code:

Words that end in ‘or’ are often identical in Spanish: actor; doctor; tractor; color; error; favor. All you have to do is slightly change your vowels and accents.

Words that end in ‘al’ are also often identical in Spanish: animal; central; local; musical; legal; natural.

Words that end in ‘ble’ often don’t change: horrible; possible; flexible; probable; visible; inevitable.

Words that end in ‘ent’ or ‘ant’, just add an ‘e’: presidente; ecelente; accidente; conveniente; inteligente; imporante; el elefante.

Words that end in ‘ist’ just add an ‘a’: artista; dentista; capitalista.

Words that start with ‘s’ prefix with an ‘e’: especial (special), espiritual (spiritual).

Words that end in ‘ous’ change to ‘oso’: delicioso (delicious); famoso (famous); curioso (curous); nervioso (nervous); misterioso (mysterious); fabuloso (faboulous).

Words that end in ‘ly’ change to ‘mente’: absolutemente (absolutely); automaticamente (automatically); naturalmente (naturally); personalmente (personally); realmente (really/actually).

Words with ‘ph’ change to ‘f’: filosofia (philosophy), elefante (elephant).

Words that end in ‘ty’ change to ‘dad’: espiritualidad; (spirituality); curiosidad (curiosity); electricidad (electricity); personalidad (personality); humanidad (humanity).

Words that end in ‘ry’ change to ‘rio’: necesario; aniversario; extraordinario; contrario; diccionario; imaginario; involuntario; itinerario;

Words that end in ‘sion’ change to ‘sión’: decisión; discusión; comisión; confusión; conclusion.

Some words that end in ‘cal’ end in ‘co’ in Spanish: tipico (typical), logico (logical); identico (identical); etico (ethical); clasico (classical); economico (economical); politico (political).

Words that end in ‘ic’, add an ‘o’: artistico; acadmeico; burocratico; cientifico (scientific); democratico; fotografico; historico; ironico; magico.

Words that end in ‘tion’ convert simply to ‘ción’: invitación; anticipación; civilización; cooperación; generación; admiración; generación.

Pronunciation key:

Some words to remember:

que = what; donde = where; quien = who; cuando = when; como = how; porque = why.

y = and; bonita = beautiful; linda = beautiful; amor = love.

cuánto = how much; costó = cost.

tu or usted = you; va = go; mañana = morning.

antes = before; después = after

la izqueirda = left; la direcha = right;

Verbs:

Examples of verbs
verb ends with: when applied to: that is: tener (have) poder (can) ser (be)
-o I yo tengo puedo soy
-es you tú tienes puedes eres
-en he/she él/ella/usted tiene puede es
-emos us nosotros tenemos podemos somos
-nen they ellos/ellas/ustedes tienen pueden son

Some prepositions to remember:

Use ‘es’ to say ‘is’ when something is permanent eg el banco es grande (the bank is big).

Use ‘esta’ to say ‘is’ when something is temporary, or when referring to a location eg el banco no esta limpo (the bank is not clean).

‘la’/’el’ = ‘the’ (masculine/feminine singular)

‘las’/’los’ = ‘the’ (masculine/feminine plural)

‘una’/’uno’ = ‘a’ or ‘an’ (masculine/feminine singular)

‘unas’/’unos’ = ‘a’ or ‘an’ (masculine/feminine plural)

Masculine & feminine:

Feminine = words that end in -d; -sion; -cion; -a

Masculine = words that end in -e; -o; -n; -l; -s; -z

Patterning the numbers:

0 cero 10 diez
1 uno 11 once 100 cien
2 dos 12 doce 20 veinte 200 doscientos
3 tres 13 trece 30 treinta 300 trescientos
4 cuatro 14 catorce 40 cuarenta 400 cuatrocientos
5 cinco 15 quince 50 cincuenta 500 quientos
6 seis 16 dieciseis 60 sesenta 600 seiscientos
7 siete 17 dieciseite 70 setenta etc…
8 ocho 18 dieciocho 80 ochenta 1000 un mil
9 nueve 19 diecinueve 90 noventa 1,000,000 un million

 

This is just a sample of this magical book. It not only takes you through a pile of nouns and verbs, but helps you learn how to change verbs to different tenses, including the irregular ones and exceptions, and using simple exercises it helps you apply it and start putting together your own sentences from the get go. Did I mention I highly recommend this book?

If it weren’t for PROCRASTINATION and DISTRACTIONS I’d be fluent by now 😉 The fact that paying for lessons means you actually study is a good reason to still do lessons, even if reading this book is more effective… I’m a pretty self-motivated person, and yet when my paid Spanish classes finished, so did my reading of Madrigal’s key. That being said, the time I’d have been studying Spanish was replaced with studying philosophy (and a bit of falling asleep by the pool)… hence why another change in travel plans, but more on that another day.

This key makes me wonder what else can be made more simple. Tim Ferris seems to do it with a lot of things, from languages to swimming to the tango:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPE2_iCCo0w[/youtube]

SIMPLICITY = cheat code to Spanish, and also maybe to life…

 

Academic, Adventure,

Learning Spanish y Juego con Ninas…

Written by Juliet Bennett
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Ok, given my travels, my book, and living with Latinos most of this year, I should know more Spanish than I do. And considering the “peace” and “environmentalist” stereotype it may shock you to find out I’m (A) not a vegetarian (which really has nothing to do with this post), and (B) that in Granada I had my first ever experience with volunteer work.

Given volunteering in Granada didn’t cost money (in case you didn’t know, most volunteering projects do) and the bonus discount it gave for my Spanish school (yep self-interest) I decided to give it a go.

It’s school holidays, so basically this volunteer work equated to entertaining kids 8-12 years old, for a couple of hours.

“Bring games. Teach them something you are good at.” I was told.

They were a well-behaved bunch, welcoming Mark (a fellow estudante de espaniol (- yes, I know my Spanish is probablemente incorrecto…)) by taking our hands, showing us the garbage bin (anywhere you like) and leading us into the school grounds.

We spent a couple of hours playing skip rope, limbo, soccer, and even trying to do a little yoga when the more competitive games started to cause havoc.

“Hasta mañana?” they asked, as we said goodbye.

I looked to Mark, who looked as exhausted as I felt.

“Ah… próxima semana!” we smiled.

The next week Mark and I came prepared: corn cakes and cameras.

The healthy(ish) cakes worked a treat. So did the cameras. The kids loved posing, and I always love being behind the camera.

With my shockproof/waterproof point & shoot, they learned to take their own. An interesting insight to the world from a child’s perspective. A couple of them had quite the creative eye.

Can you guess which were my photos, and which were theirs? You might be surprised!

Adventure,