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Losing my Identity (Scandanavia)

Written by Juliet Bennett
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Imagine a world where being 180cm, 60kg, with long blonde hair, makes you AVERAGE. In Scandinavia, for the first time in my life, I felt short. It was a strange feeling. Used to towering over people and always kind-of standing out because of my height, blending into the crowd provoked a new stream of thought.

It got me thinking about my identity, and the definitions of “self” in relation to “other”. While we tend to be drawn to people that are similar to ourselves, we tend to define ourselves by the points of difference.

In Japan I had a very strong identity – not only was a foot taller than most people around me, I also had very different hair, eye, skin colour, facial features, etc.

 

In South America my identity based on difference was much like Japan – eyes looking towards me with a sense of curiosity.

In Sydney, and even in Paris and most countries I’ve visited, I’m still considered tall, and combined with a quirky hair cut and dress sense, eyes tend to look my way.

In Stockholm and Copenhagen I blended into the crowd more than I have ever before. My ego wasn’t really sure what to make of it. On one hand it was nice to feel unnoticed, to feel I am just like everyone else. On the other hand I started to question: what is it that makes me me?

It made me realize that the characteristics and stories that define me are completely inseparable from the people I am surrounded by.

I guess it’s the same for lots of ways we define our identities:

If you get the highest grades class B you feel smart. If you get the lowest grades in class A you feel dumb, even if you are smarter than all of class B.

If you have a house and a car, but they are not as nice as your friend’s house and car then you feel poor. If you have food and your friend doesn’t, you feel rich.

Surrounded by beautiful people you feel ugly, surrounded by beautiful people you feel ugly.

You think your “individual identity” is you, but really you don’t know who “you” are without knowing something about the people around you.

Everything is RELATIVE, even “YOU” and “ME”.

So that was my take-away lesson from Stockholm and Copenhagen. Above and below are some photos of Lisa, my friend of over twenty-years, and our little adventures in Copenhagen and Stockholm.

 

Adventure,

Weaving my world back together: a weekend at Camp Coorong

Written by Juliet Bennett
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Have you ever weaved a basket? I hadn’t… “Life’s too busy for arts and crafts…” or so I used to think. I was wrong. Weaving was more than relaxing and therapeutic, it embodied a metaphorical connection I was in dire need of.

I learned so so much during my weekend at Camp Coorong. I travelled there to discuss a book chapter that I co-authored with some of the Ngarrandjeri youth, transcribing their documentary Nukkan Kungun Yunnan – Narrindjeri’s Being Heard.

When my alarm went at 4:40am on Saturday morning I wondered why I agreed to the trip – didn’t I have enough on my plate? I made it on my 6:15am flight and arrived in Adelaide a couple of hours later.

Sitting for a coffee as I waited for my friend to pick me up, took a long deep breath. There was a stillness surrounding me. I had nothing to do. Intentionally leaving my books at home I realised why I was there, in Adelaide, visiting The Coorong. It wasn’t for the chapter.

It was for one reason: to listen.

I thought back over the week that had passed. I had been the most stressed I’d ever remember feeling in my entire life. While the run and writing from last Sunday’s blog entry helped me get the balls back in the air… on Monday they all came crashing down.

“How was your weekend?” ‘Wahhhhhhhh!”… and later … “Can we meet next Monday?” “Wahhhhhhh!” I burst into tears. Twice. For no reason at all. Now that is what I call STRESS.

No amount of yoga or running could cure it. But at Camp Coorong I felt a deeper change occur.

My friend picked me up, and we drove through Adelaide Hills, over the Murray River, and into Camp Coorong.

An air of serenity surrounded us.

A quiet peace. Time slowed down. And Ellen Trevorrow taught me to weave.

I weaved my life, my mind and my soul, into the creation you can see in the photo above.

And as I weaved, I listened and learned, as together a group of us “had a yarn”!!!

In the culture of Indigenous Australians one doesn’t ask questions. One doesn’t take turns answering. One doesn’t talk about things they don’t want to talk about. No. Instead, people tell stories.

Maybe it’s the weaving. As we weaved, the energy changed. The air lightened and gravity tightened.

I had never felt so grounded. And I had never felt so free.

In this conversation one shared information, stories, they wanted to share. And the rest of the time you listened.

On Saturday I heard some of the most fantastic love stories, and tales of the saddest tragedies. Each story was captured in my weave. Later that night I taught some of the other visitors what I’d learned. Children and adults, all weaving together. There was something magic about this activity, and about this place.

I could go on and on about the many things I learned and experienced. It was all so subtle. It’s difficult to explain. Even more difficult to explain is the incredible feeling of groundedness I still feel today. I have a feeling these things will influence me in ways I can’t yet imagine.

Instead of trying to imagine them now, I’m going to share my favourite story from the weekend and leave it with you to ponder. Surrounded by pre-school children listening intensely, Tom Trevorrow told this story.

This is the story of the Thukeri and the Bony Bream:

‘A long time ago two Ngarrindjeri men went fishing in a bay near Lake Alexandrina to catch the thukeri mami (bream fish). They set off in their bark canoe to catch the big fat thukeri. They fished and fished until their canoe was over full and they said,

“We have plenty of thukeri we will paddle to shore before we sink.”

As they paddled to shore they saw a stranger coming towards them so they covered up the thukeri with their woven mats they said this man might want some of our thukeri, when they approached the shore the stranger said to them,

“Hey brothers I’m hungry have you got any fish to share?”

But the two Ngarrindjeri men said,

“No we haven’t got many fish we only have enough to feed our families.”

So the stranger began to walk away then he turned and said,

“You have plenty of fish and because you are greedy and don’t want to share you will not enjoy the thukeri fish ever again.”

As the stranger walked away the two Ngarrindjeri men laughed at him.

When the two Ngarrindjeri men unloaded the thukeri on to the banks to scale and clean them, they saw that their nice big fat thukeri were bony and they didn’t know what had happened. The two Ngarrindjeri men went home to the campsite in shame and told the Elders what had happened.

The Elders were angry and said, “The stranger was Ngurunderi our Spirit Ancestor and because you two were greedy and would not share with him he has put a curse on our thukeri mami. Now all the Ngarrindjeri people will be punished.”

Respect, caring and sharing, don’t be greedy, and don’t tell lies. Otherwise everybody will get punished.’

This was just one of the many many amazing stories I heard and experienced at the Camp. If anyone has a chance to go visit and learn from the Ngarrandjeri people, I highly recommend the experience. There are many different ways to live and be in this world, and the more of them we can expose ourselves to, the more likely the way we choose to live our lives is actually a choice.

Visit the: Camp Coorong Website

Watch the short version of the doco: Nukkan [See]. Kungun [Listen]. Yunnah [Speak].

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGIsv-dSs40[/youtube]

Find the story of the Thukeri and the Bony Bream and other information here: hurrysavethemurray.com/wp…/ngarrindjeri-sea-country-plan.pdf

The sunset on The Coorong on Saturday:

Let us listen, and learn…

 

Random Life Stuff,

Juggling too many balls

Written by Juliet Bennett
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Do you ever feel overwhelmed by life? Does your mind and body ever get to that stage where it feels so limp it hurts? Are you juggling so many balls that they all come tumbling down?

Yesterday was one of those days. Actually until I left for a run about an hour ago, that was me. I’ve been stressed. My habit of saying “yes” to almost everything, without thinking through the logistics, came back to bite me.

I leave for Europe in less than four weeks. The last month has been a manic effort aimed at upgrading from a MPhil to a PhD and getting a scholarship, ie writing 35,000 words, confirming at least two journal or book publications, and a pile of paperwork with the right signatures in the right places, and every “i” dotted. And this was to be done on top of editing two books and marking political economy assignments (paid work), editing my own book (in hope of getting it to publishers before I leave), and the system/communications/database work I do for my Dad – a whole other mind-field of its own.

Amazingly enough everything is coming together.

A lot of late nights and early mornings, too much coffee, and ignoring most other things in life from friends to licence expiry dates and visa applications, I am almost there. Of course the neglect in other areas isn’t good.

I think it was Friday that I hit that wall. I know the wall well. I have hit my head on it many times after these almost adrenalin-fuelled mental marathons. I was exhausted but I pushed through it. I needed to get the visa application in, write a letter to try to get out of the $430 fine I got for letting my Learner scooter licence expire (yes that did make me cry), and try to get a little order in my life. Of course after a few drinks to try to forget it all that night meant Saturday I felt even worse.

“What about that essay you have due in two weeks? And the application to present a paper in Krakow? And getting out of your rent? And selling your scooter? And and and ….” The internal chatter of my mind wouldn’t shut up, but physically I was useless. I caught up with family for dinner and got the “wow you look tired” commentary and the same from my friend in Canada over skype this morning.

You know what has made suddenly made the whole world seem much better?

Giving myself simply a couple of hours of love: a long run, a hot shower with a cold blast at the end, a face mask, a little yoga, and entering the catharsis of writing it all down and sharing my thoughts with you. Hopefully I will start juggling again soon.

So thank you 🙂

 

Random Life Stuff,

A curious boy and a curious old man: the voice behind The Pedagogy of the Oppressed

Written by Juliet Bennett
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“The oppressors, who oppress, exploit, and rape by virtue of their power, cannot find in this power the strength to liberate either the oppressed or themselves. Only power that springs from the weakness of the oppressed will be sufficiently strong to free both.” (Paulo Freire, Pedagogy of the Oppressed, 1970: 21)

Paolo Freire wrote about a sort of revolution in personal and collective freedom.

A Brazilian in the 1970s, Freire’s focus is more on economic/political oppression, and the education (and lack of education) maintains it. He looks at revolutions but says they must be conducted carefully. The must involve reflective participation of all involved.

Freire describes the process of conscientization – a process of unveiling different levels of reality, of becoming aware of the stories and assumptions behind the stories, which combine to create our lives.

It is a process that has no ending. It is a process driven by one thing: curiosity.

If you don’t know him already, I’m pleased to introduce the inspiring old man, Paolo Friere:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFWjnkFypFA[/youtube]

Like Paulo Freire, I think it’s good to be a curious child, and a curious adult. In this process we may discover more about ourselves, our world, and the worlds of people around us.

“Freedom is acquired by conquest, not by gift.”

The end of the questioning is the sign of a new form of oppression.

So be curious. Question!!!

 

Reference:

Freire, Paulo. 1970, The Pedagogy of the Oppressed, (Penguin Education: Baltimore)

 

 

Peace, Truth

Synchronicity

Written by Juliet Bennett
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Have you ever picked up the phone to call a friend, only to find your friend calling you? Do you notice the moments of “synchronicity” when everything you do happens with ease, green lights all the way, the right song on the radio at just the right time?

What does it mean to be “in sync”? To be “in tune” with each other, or with our selves or even the universe? How do we do it? And why? Or is it just in our minds?

On this TED Talks Steven Strogatz looks into how synchronicity works, not only between living things, but with non-living things too…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSNrKS-sCE0[/youtube]

 

Have you ever thought about the synchronicity of birds flocking or fish swarming together?

Three rules:

1. individuals are only aware of their nearest neighbours

2. tendency to line up

3. all are attracted to each other, but try to keep a small distance apart

With these rules you see in a computer model how it works…

4. when a predator is coming, get out of the way!

Out of the desire to save themselves, they do what is best for each other.

 

Photo:

So peaceful huh? A moment of synchronicity when I was walking in Pokhara, Nepal, around this time last year.

 

 

Truth

Open the Door (a poem about why I care about our future)

Written by Juliet Bennett
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–

I am one, I am many,

I am part of something more

I dream, I wake, I laugh, I cry

I see a door, and I imagine…

–

A shift,

A new direction

From hierarchies, pyramids

To systems, patterns, webs

–

From unchanging objects

To dynamic relationships

From “ego” to “eco”

Farewell fear, embracing change

–

Why do you care?

Confused eyes gaze

What can you do?

Dismissal, a maze

–

Life is short,

At least it seems

I’ve never found happiness

In materials and such things

–

When I wake

I want to feel alive

Have meaning, have a purpose

A reason not yet to die

–

Giving gives more to the giver

I believe this to be true

As time is a gift so

My care for our world too

–

When I look and listen

When I feel, I understand

My fellow beings suffer

At the perils of their own hand

–

Suicide and depression,

Obsession with the unreal

Status, money, vanity

Unconscious ignorant un-bliss

–

Layers of stories

True yet not whole

A leg of the elephant

Much more to learn

–

Blind, I am, to those things

I do not wish to see

The systems, the networks

That connect you to me

–

The truth may hurt

But the pain will go away

That’s the cycle

Creation, destruction, creation

–

The separations, the unity

Each is true

Each has its purpose

As I, and as you

–

Without the land,

The oceans and the trees

Species will perish

Humans to bees

–

This is why I care

Why I look for change

I want to live on

In many different ways

–

What’s through the door?

How to we open it?

I think it’s through LOVE

A love of life: self, other, all.

–

Poem written 30 April 2011.

Photo from a Japanese TV show sometime in 2005.

Truth,

Follow the bliss

Written by Juliet Bennett
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‘I don’t believe life has a purpose. Life is a lot of protoplasm with an urge to reproduce and continue in being… but each incarnation, you might say, has a potentiality, and the mission of life is to live that potentiality.’

Joseph Campbell is an incredible storyteller, spiritual guru, philosopher, academic (comparative religion & comparative mythology), writer, etc etc. Another old dead guy with a wicked sense of humour that I’m sure I would have fallen for in his day.

So “How do you do it?” you may ask. How do you live your life to it’s potential?

Campbell’s advice is: “Follow the bliss.”

‘There’s something inside you that knows when you’re in the center, that knows when you’re on the beam or off the beam. And if you get off the beam to earn money, you’ve lost your life. And if you stay in the cneter and don’t get any money, you still have your bliss.’ [1]

P284-5 Campbell, Joseph, The Power of Myth – Joseph Campbell with Bill Moyers (New York: Doubleday, 1988).

Academic, Truth,

The Angst of Preparations, Decisions & Goodbyes

Written by Juliet Bennett
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Soon I am off to Europe followed by the United States, with a very big question mark surrounding my return date. I’m booked to leave 9 weeks from yesterday and be home just in time for Christmas… but I really have no idea what my future holds. Exciting as this sounds, when it comes the details, life in the 21st century can make preparations and decisions surrounding uncertainties a massive anxiety-filled pain in the butt.

From getting my scooter Provisional-license (if I don’t I have to do a 2 day Learner course again), writing 30,000 words towards a PhD, cutting out 100,000 words from my novel, finishing up projects at work, lecturing, marking, packing, preparing, and filling out forms. And as fast as my “to do” list gets longer, the decisions grow harder.

From the little things like “do I pay-out or defer the remaining 6 month phone and internet contracts?”, to the bigger things like “do pack up my little studio apartment, or should I try to find someone to sublet it?”

I hate decisions. I like making decisions in one grand sweep. It’s not always the smartest move, but neither are the choices made after days or weeks of tedious weighing scales.

I still have a couple of months, so maybe if I don’t think about it the answers and solutions will just come to me. Hopefully same will go with my “to do”s and “goodbyes”. I guess all I can do is my best, work hard, enjoying the moments along the way. Hopefully the future will take care of itself.

Anyway if there are less blog entries for a while, then you know why… and in the blink of an eye it will be time to fly!!!

Adventure,

Carbon trading: the devil is in the details

Written by Juliet Bennett
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Who benefits from carbon trading? Wall street??? De ja vu…

Annie Leonard, my favourite “make it simple and tie a bow around it” chick, reveals the “devils in the details”:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA6FSy6EKrM[/youtube]

Three problems:

1. Free permits to big polluters

2. Fake offsets

3. A massive distraction

It’s like going on a diet to lose weight. We all know in the long term, diet’s don’t work!

If you wanna reduce carbon there’s a very simple solution (which works for losing weight too): REDUCE YOUR CONSUMPTION.

We need to redesign our lifestyles in a way that reconnects us with the beautiful planet from which we came from and from which we cannot live without. We don’t need carbon to live the good life.

We can get over our addiction to burning carbon in a similar process as getting rid of an addiction to McDonalds. When you come to realise the grotesque nature of consuming McDonalds hamburgers and fries, and you wean yourself off the fat and sugar, you don’t miss it one little bit.

When we start using clean energies, breathing clean ear, enjoying healthier ways of being, working jobs we enjoy that are making our world a better place, we will look back at our lives today in amazement and say:

– how did we ever work so many hours doing jobs we hated?

– how did we allow industry to pump such gross amounts of pollution into our air?

– how did we allow so much destruction to our very source of life?

And (hopefully) we will look back with relief that eventually we did something, we used our creativity to find solution, and to design a better world for ourselves and our children.

I highly doubt we will look back at our politicians debating over carbon tax or carbon trading, with an ounce of honour. It is the ones who decide to tackle the real problems with real solutions, those who make a real difference, that will go down in history.

Peace