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Category: Random Life Stuff

An Encounter with Being and Time

At the close of last year I had a mini freak out. “Where did 2010 go?” This year is another story. “Is 2011 every going to end?” It feels like three years since last Christmas.

How does that work? What is the connection between external time (or cosmological time) – earth’s rotations – and internal time (or psychological time) – in our minds?

Let me consider my own case:

I stayed still in 2010, for the most part, living in Sydney in the one apartment. Half of the year I spent writing and editing, followed by a quick trip to India and Nepal, speaking at some conferences, finalizing my first article’s publication, and enrolling in an MPhil. Then my sister got married and the second half of the year I spent studying part-time and working 3.5 days a week. The year flew so fast it scared me into making some rash New Years resolutions.

Those resolutions created havoc. The year started with bleeding feet (barnacles whilst swimming NYE) and has continued in cycles of fun & disaster: I bought a scooter, had a blast, then got a massive fine for riding when my learner license had expired; I bought a kombi-van, had a blast, then had to sell it on Ebay when it broke down a week later. The first half of the year I was still in Sydney, working and studying crazy hours, upgrading to a PhD, and editing my book from 250,000 down to 150,000 words. The second half of 2011 stared with trooping around Europe and ripping the skin off my arm and leg in the scooter accident in Greece; I taught my own Storytelling curriculum at Lenoir Rhyne university and then was in a car accident on route to Chicago; an enormous effort to edit my book from 150,000 down to 100,000 words (wahoo!!!); and most recently after teaching two zumba songs I cut my wrist (very accidentally) catching a table from falling. All in ONE year? Good bad, up down, beautiful and ugly — that has been 2011 — the longest year of my life.

Einstein’s Law of Relativity? I guess, in a way…

When one stays still, time feels slow at the time but the year/s go by fast.

When one is moving, time feels like it flies but the year as a whole seems to last forever.

At least that’s my psychological experience with time…

How do others say external and internal time relate? Ricoeur says they are mediated through story. Every day we live stories, we tell stories and we anticipate future stories, and this is how we track cosmological time, and make sense of of psychological time. Heidegger talks about the “now” as a paper edge between of the horizon of anticipation and the horizon of the past.

One of the highs of my year is an encountered with Martin Heidegger’s Being and Time, and Paul Ricoeur’s Narrative and Time.

I will be crudely honest: when I first properly encountered him and some other philosophers here in Hickory a few months ago I thought it was a wank — that it was learning to speak a posh lingo that few could understand, which made people feel intelligent and others ignorant, and that’s about it.

My group of friends here have given me a taste of the rich chocolate of these thinker’s works. Heidegger and Ricoeur are terribly difficult to read, but they are already opening my eyes to a new way of seeing the world.

Putting into words things we do without thinking and patterns that surround us — like “leveling off” to the be closer (in intelligence, appearance, skill, habits) to people who surround you — once you have words to describe them, you gain power over them. I’ll be sharing their thoughts with you as I come to a stronger grip on them…One introduction that you might be interested in, if you want to join me on this journey, is this 30 min BBC documentary that provides some context to this great (and horrible) thinker:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKhUyU8UQEI&feature=results_main&playnext=1&list=PL5F101629688B2C32[/youtube]

PS Apologies for the haphazardness of some recent entries – this blog became an easy way to have YouTube clips “ready-to-hand” (as Heidegger might say) in case I wanted to draw from them in class. Classes are over now so hopefully the entries will be a little more focused…

Random Life Stuff Heidegger, philosophy

A Critical Perspective of the Media: Reading between the lines

23 Nov ’11Written by Juliet Bennett

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Johan Galtung says that it’s not so much what is being said, but what is not being said. Today my class will be reflecting on the use of language and stories in the media.

Discussion questions:

how do stories in the media impact our understanding of the world?
how can we learn to “read between the lines”?
how can awareness of narrative help us be more critical of media and politics?
what is the story’s raison detre? ie why was a story told, what is the narrator is getting at?

Julia Bacha – One Story, One Film, Many Changes.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d40Aht_9cxY[/youtube]

Chomsky – Manufacturing Consent (students to watch at home…)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQhEBCWMe44[/youtube]

Reading between the lines

Checklist for careful thinking:

What is the source?
What is the basic message?
What is presented in support of the view?
How is the message being conveyed?
Who stands to gain? p. 28

Shaky foundations:

Bold assertions
Untrustworthy authorities
Reasoning with the wrong facts
Rationalisation
Downright lying
Faulty premise for an argument
Hasty generalization
Mistaking the cause
False analogy
Ignoring the question
Begging the question
Attacking the person not the argument
Pointing to an enemy
Misusing statistics
Meshing fact with opinion
Misusing terms whose meanings have changed p. 32-35

Formula for Propaganda: Scapegoat term = Groundless accusation in future + glittering generality. Eg Terrorists/Socialists threaten/plan to attack the political system/supermarket/middle class p. 58

Monitoring the media: prominence/space; use of photographs; sources; angle of the story; information provided; viewpoint of the reporter; reoccurring words p. 59

Propaganda techniques:

Twisting and distortion; depicting black and white
Selective omission
Incomplete quotation
Persuasive devices eg doctored/clipped photos , testimonials, generalities eg “He has American support because Americans always choose the wrong side”; name calling; innuendo eg. he had been promised a good job; baseless speculation

Between The Lines – Eleanor MacLean, 1981, Black Rose Books, Quebec

For further reading see my blog entry on Critical Discourse Analysis – click here

Random Life Stuff philosophy

Education, Work and the Social Distribution of Knowledge

18 Nov ’11Written by Juliet Bennett

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How do you know anything? What is the role of society in that knowledge?

‘Men always love what is good or what they find good; it is in judging of the good that they go wrong.’ Rousseau.

‘If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.’ Henry Ford

‘Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them.’ Mark Twain

‘Our separate fictions add up to joint reality.’ Stanislaw Lec

‘A person gets from a symbol the meaning he puts into it, and what is one man’s comfort and inspiration is another’s jest and scorn.’ Justice Jackson.

‘The education of moral sensibility with regard to the question of how we should treat others is only part of the story. The other part of the story is the quality of an individual’s own life as he experiences it. Here too the narrative arts have an enormous amount to offer. The idea of making one’s life worthwhile by choosing goals and striving towards them, sometimes deferring present satisfactions in the hope of greater rewards later, demands the imposition of a narrative structure upon it, as if one were the author of one’s own story.’ (Grayling 2003:14)

‘Only by being aware of a rich array of possible narratives and goals to choose from can one’s choices and actions be truly informed and maximally free… exposure to stories – which in part represent possible lives – is a vital ingredient in the ethical construction of an individual’s personal future history.’ (Grayling 2003:14)

‘Liberal education is disappearing in the English-speaking West, as expectations decline and schooling narrows into training focused mainly on participation in the life of the economy. It is worth iterating what a loss this is; for the aim of liberal education is to help people continue learning all their lives long, and to think, and to question. New and challenging moral dilemmas are always likely to arise, so we need to try to make ourselves the kind of people who can respond thoughtfully.’ (Grayling 2003:9-10)

Sir Ken Robinson on Changing Education Paradigms:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U[/youtube]

Some career advice from Alan Watts:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY50vvMjX_o[/youtube]

“What would you like to do if money were no object? How would you really enjoy spending your life?”

People answer poets, writers, ride horses … but you can’ t money that way…

Alan Watts advises to “forget the money”. “Because if you say that getting the money is the most important thing, you will spend your life completely wasting your time: you will do things you don’t like in order to go on living that is to go on doing things you don’t like doing. Which is stupid!”

“Better to have a short life that is full of what you like doing, than a long life that spent in a miserable way. And after all, if you do really like doing what you’re doing, it doesn’t matter what it is, you can eventually … become a master of it … and then you’ll be able to get a good fee for whatever it is … somebody is interested in everything. Anything can be interested you can find others who are… So it’s an important question: what do I desire?”

To finish, little quote from one of my favourites: ‘Philosophy begins in wonder. And, at the end, when philosophical thought has done its best, the wonder remains.’ Alfred North Whitehead

Random Life Stuff Alan Watts, social construction

Do you know the secret? The “Law of Attraction”… what the bleep?!

16 Aug ’11Written by Juliet Bennett

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“Do you know the secret?” I was surprised when, at Hickory Tavern, I met a CEO of a engineering-programming company who, while talking up his black porche and high-paid profession, brought it up. I thought only hippy and hippy-wanna-be’s like me were into this stuff.

“What’s the secret?” asked my friend, accepting their kind offer to pay for our food and drinks, and get another round.

“Five years ago I had NOTHING.” Mr Porche informed us. “And now I’m 34 with everything I’ve ever wanted: the job, the car, the house on the water…”

Ok yes he may have been trying to get into someone’s pants. Shame girls aren’t attracted to men who think money can buy all those qualities that, well, money can’t buy. Anyway… the episode did remind me about the potential power of “the secret”.

Back at home I went to my blog to find some easy way to explain it to my friend. I was surprised to find that I’ve never actually blogged about it.

I believe in the secret. Everything I’ve applied it to has worked. But come to think of it these last couple of years it kind-of dropped off my radar. I think, particularly given my recent mishaps in Europe, it’s time to put the secret into action once again.

You DON’T know the secret? Ok, we better start with the basics…

The secret is based on the “law of attraction” – the idea that “like attracts like”. If you think positive, you will get positive. If you think negative then you will get negative.

Simple? Yep. But don’t underestimate its power.

So, for example, if you think to yourself “I need more money” then you will always need more money. But if rather than focusing on the problem of needing more money, you think about the goal of “having more money”, then before you know it you will have more money.

The secret is that if you ask for something, then imagine yourself having that thing, then you will attract the opportunities for this to become your reality.

Where did “the secret” come from? It’s old old old school.

It goes back to pagan days and witch spells. Ties into prayer, chanting, rituals and meditation. Was popular in New Age circles then poplarised is 2006 in a Rhonda Byrne’s book “The Secret” followed by a TV series by that same title.

Ok it starts out a bit gay. Ok ok most of it is a bit gay. But I think it contains some worthwhile ideas. If you disagree maybe you’ll like The Chaser’s War on Everything parody of it:

http://youtu.be/usbNJMUZSwo

If, like me, you laugh so hard you cry, dry your eyes and go back to watching the longer version. It’s not a half-bad intro to thinking about the power of your thoughts and feelings, and how they connect to your experiences.

When I first watched “The Secret” I immediately put it to the test. My dreamboard in 2006 read things like “photography”, “yoga”, “pilates teacher”, “learn Spanish”, “go to South America” and “$100,000”.

The opportunity for everything on my list presented itself, much faster than I expected. I became a pilates teacher, a photography assistant and got very into yoga, all in the same year. Did I get $100k? No. But I did get a job offer with a $100k salary. I may turned it down, and realized later that none of these things was what I wanted, but that’s not the point.

My second dreamboard in 2008 read all the things my two friends and I wanted for my time in South America. Once again the opportunity for everything on that list presented itself.

How does one go about explaining this? Coincidence? Positive thinking? Maybe. But could it be something more?

The law of attraction is based on the idea that there is power in words, thoughts, and intentions. There is a power in knowing what you want, asking for it, and noticing then seizing the opportunities to get it when they arise. Expressing gratitude for what you have and developing a clear vision of what life would be like with the things you want – some of the methods they suggest – are useful things to do, whether or not some form of quantum mechanic / spiritual element is involved.

An interesting documentary that ties these ideas to quantum physics is What the Bleep do we know? Down the Rabbit Hole…

An interesting book going into different tests with these ideas is The Intention Experiment which for example describes chickens influencing robots to spend more time closer to their cage.

I’m obviously not going to claim to understand quantum physics. I borrowed a real academic book on it once and didn’t get past page 3. Hundreds of detailed massive complex mathematical equations, all which went straight over my head.

The Double-Slit Experiment is worth watching though, gives a glimpse into the kind of things that happen at quantum levels.

http://youtu.be/DfPeprQ7oGc

I understand our level of reality has a set of laws that is different to that of the quantum world. We feel solid matter. We sit on chairs without falling through them. Unlike Ewen McGregor at the end of The Men Who Stare at Goats, as far as I know no human can walk through walls.

Still what is to say that every alternative reality doesn’t exist in parallel and you, as the observer, are choosing the reality you get to experience?

When I connect the Law of Attraction with the philosophy of thinkers like Alan Watts and Fritof Capra, ideas I have probably picked up from people like Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle, and from books like The Celestine Prophecy and The Alchemist, and my own experiences, and reminders from people like Mr Porche-CEO-dude-living-in-Hickory, I must conclude that there is something in the Law of Attraction that’s at least worth exploring, and its about time I start to make use of these not-so-secret secrets again.

Random Life Stuff Alan Watts, philosophy

Weaving my world back together: a weekend at Camp Coorong

31 May ’11Written by Juliet Bennett

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Have you ever weaved a basket? I hadn’t… “Life’s too busy for arts and crafts…” or so I used to think. I was wrong. Weaving was more than relaxing and therapeutic, it embodied a metaphorical connection I was in dire need of.

I learned so so much during my weekend at Camp Coorong. I travelled there to discuss a book chapter that I co-authored with some of the Ngarrandjeri youth, transcribing their documentary Nukkan Kungun Yunnan – Narrindjeri’s Being Heard.

When my alarm went at 4:40am on Saturday morning I wondered why I agreed to the trip – didn’t I have enough on my plate? I made it on my 6:15am flight and arrived in Adelaide a couple of hours later.

Sitting for a coffee as I waited for my friend to pick me up, took a long deep breath. There was a stillness surrounding me. I had nothing to do. Intentionally leaving my books at home I realised why I was there, in Adelaide, visiting The Coorong. It wasn’t for the chapter.

It was for one reason: to listen.

I thought back over the week that had passed. I had been the most stressed I’d ever remember feeling in my entire life. While the run and writing from last Sunday’s blog entry helped me get the balls back in the air… on Monday they all came crashing down.

“How was your weekend?” ‘Wahhhhhhhh!”… and later … “Can we meet next Monday?” “Wahhhhhhh!” I burst into tears. Twice. For no reason at all. Now that is what I call STRESS.

No amount of yoga or running could cure it. But at Camp Coorong I felt a deeper change occur.

My friend picked me up, and we drove through Adelaide Hills, over the Murray River, and into Camp Coorong.

An air of serenity surrounded us.

A quiet peace. Time slowed down. And Ellen Trevorrow taught me to weave.

I weaved my life, my mind and my soul, into the creation you can see in the photo above.

And as I weaved, I listened and learned, as together a group of us “had a yarn”!!!

In the culture of Indigenous Australians one doesn’t ask questions. One doesn’t take turns answering. One doesn’t talk about things they don’t want to talk about. No. Instead, people tell stories.

Maybe it’s the weaving. As we weaved, the energy changed. The air lightened and gravity tightened.

I had never felt so grounded. And I had never felt so free.

In this conversation one shared information, stories, they wanted to share. And the rest of the time you listened.

On Saturday I heard some of the most fantastic love stories, and tales of the saddest tragedies. Each story was captured in my weave. Later that night I taught some of the other visitors what I’d learned. Children and adults, all weaving together. There was something magic about this activity, and about this place.

I could go on and on about the many things I learned and experienced. It was all so subtle. It’s difficult to explain. Even more difficult to explain is the incredible feeling of groundedness I still feel today. I have a feeling these things will influence me in ways I can’t yet imagine.

Instead of trying to imagine them now, I’m going to share my favourite story from the weekend and leave it with you to ponder. Surrounded by pre-school children listening intensely, Tom Trevorrow told this story.

This is the story of the Thukeri and the Bony Bream:

‘A long time ago two Ngarrindjeri men went fishing in a bay near Lake Alexandrina to catch the thukeri mami (bream fish). They set off in their bark canoe to catch the big fat thukeri. They fished and fished until their canoe was over full and they said,

“We have plenty of thukeri we will paddle to shore before we sink.”

As they paddled to shore they saw a stranger coming towards them so they covered up the thukeri with their woven mats they said this man might want some of our thukeri, when they approached the shore the stranger said to them,

“Hey brothers I’m hungry have you got any fish to share?”

But the two Ngarrindjeri men said,

“No we haven’t got many fish we only have enough to feed our families.”

So the stranger began to walk away then he turned and said,

“You have plenty of fish and because you are greedy and don’t want to share you will not enjoy the thukeri fish ever again.”

As the stranger walked away the two Ngarrindjeri men laughed at him.

When the two Ngarrindjeri men unloaded the thukeri on to the banks to scale and clean them, they saw that their nice big fat thukeri were bony and they didn’t know what had happened. The two Ngarrindjeri men went home to the campsite in shame and told the Elders what had happened.

The Elders were angry and said, “The stranger was Ngurunderi our Spirit Ancestor and because you two were greedy and would not share with him he has put a curse on our thukeri mami. Now all the Ngarrindjeri people will be punished.”

Respect, caring and sharing, don’t be greedy, and don’t tell lies. Otherwise everybody will get punished.’

This was just one of the many many amazing stories I heard and experienced at the Camp. If anyone has a chance to go visit and learn from the Ngarrandjeri people, I highly recommend the experience. There are many different ways to live and be in this world, and the more of them we can expose ourselves to, the more likely the way we choose to live our lives is actually a choice.

Visit the: Camp Coorong Website

Watch the short version of the doco: Nukkan [See]. Kungun [Listen]. Yunnah [Speak].

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGIsv-dSs40[/youtube]

Find the story of the Thukeri and the Bony Bream and other information here: hurrysavethemurray.com/wp…/ngarrindjeri-sea-country-plan.pdf

The sunset on The Coorong on Saturday:

Let us listen, and learn…

Random Life Stuff Life in Oz, Yoga

Juggling too many balls

22 May ’11Written by Juliet Bennett

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Do you ever feel overwhelmed by life? Does your mind and body ever get to that stage where it feels so limp it hurts? Are you juggling so many balls that they all come tumbling down?

Yesterday was one of those days. Actually until I left for a run about an hour ago, that was me. I’ve been stressed. My habit of saying “yes” to almost everything, without thinking through the logistics, came back to bite me.

I leave for Europe in less than four weeks. The last month has been a manic effort aimed at upgrading from a MPhil to a PhD and getting a scholarship, ie writing 35,000 words, confirming at least two journal or book publications, and a pile of paperwork with the right signatures in the right places, and every “i” dotted. And this was to be done on top of editing two books and marking political economy assignments (paid work), editing my own book (in hope of getting it to publishers before I leave), and the system/communications/database work I do for my Dad – a whole other mind-field of its own.

Amazingly enough everything is coming together.

A lot of late nights and early mornings, too much coffee, and ignoring most other things in life from friends to licence expiry dates and visa applications, I am almost there. Of course the neglect in other areas isn’t good.

I think it was Friday that I hit that wall. I know the wall well. I have hit my head on it many times after these almost adrenalin-fuelled mental marathons. I was exhausted but I pushed through it. I needed to get the visa application in, write a letter to try to get out of the $430 fine I got for letting my Learner scooter licence expire (yes that did make me cry), and try to get a little order in my life. Of course after a few drinks to try to forget it all that night meant Saturday I felt even worse.

“What about that essay you have due in two weeks? And the application to present a paper in Krakow? And getting out of your rent? And selling your scooter? And and and ….” The internal chatter of my mind wouldn’t shut up, but physically I was useless. I caught up with family for dinner and got the “wow you look tired” commentary and the same from my friend in Canada over skype this morning.

You know what has made suddenly made the whole world seem much better?

Giving myself simply a couple of hours of love: a long run, a hot shower with a cold blast at the end, a face mask, a little yoga, and entering the catharsis of writing it all down and sharing my thoughts with you. Hopefully I will start juggling again soon.

So thank you 🙂

Random Life Stuff Life in Oz, Yoga

The Very Short Life and Times of Me and Kombi Xee

23 Feb ’11Written by Juliet Bennett

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Love is blind. It makes you do crazy things. Spontaneous things. Fun things. And sometimes really stupid things. I think when it hits you you know the pain that lies ahead, yet you jump in anyway. The first time I laid eyes on her I knew. Maybe it was her bright orange skin, maybe it was the way she popped her top on cue, or maybe it was her cute button nose. It was love at first sight. Like the trajectory of most love stories I figured this relationship would come to an end. But what I didn’t know was how fast it would happen.

This is a story of false hope and empty promises. This is a story about living with intensity and adventure. This is a story of loving fully and learning to let go if one’s life’s optimal trajectory calls for it. This is the story of the very short life and times of me and Kombi Xee.

I had been looking for a kombi for a couple of months, but none were like her. Mirroring my taste in men the kombi’s I was interested in lived too far away or were already taken, until I met Xee. She was perfect. She needed a little work on the body, but nothing that couldn’t be fixed. Most importantly, so the seller assured me, she was mechanically healthy with an recently reconditioned motor, no oil leaks, good brakes and new tyres. She would easily pass rego in March. The pressure of competition bid me to jump in. “I’ll take her.” I said, offering the asked price.

Like the beginning of most relationships, the honeymoon period was wonderful. As I learned how she worked, exactly where to let the clutch out and work her gears, things only got better. I projected images of our glorious future together: long coastal drives, sleeping anywhere, early morning swims, weekend getaways, lots of time to read and write and reflect and keep inspired.

Our first trip to Jervis Bay was everything I dreamed. She made driving fun. I sailed by day, and slept by the waters-edge at night.

Ahimsa Sailing Klub Inc

It was only two nights, but it could have been weeks.

Xee slowed life down a notch. Time didn’t matter with her. I couldn’t go anywhere fast so I no longer tried. Chugging along we strived out way up hills, and sped at full speed back down the other side. The hippy inside me lit up as I embraced the things the 70s stood for like peace and freedom and all those ideals I think too much. Now I wasn’t thinking about them – I was feeling them. I was them.

Kangeroos in our backyard!

An afternoon at Murrays Beach

After one night back at home we left for our second trip: the Northern Beaches.

After a day’s work in Belrose I parked Xee in Mona Vale, up on the headland with a magic view of the golf course, beach, ocean, horizon and beyond. I went for a twilight swim, had a cold shower, read a bedtime story, and fell into a blissful sleep. At sunrise I repeated the above, and drove back to work. Work would now become a weekly holiday, or so I thought…

Men, women, kombis… who knows what causes them to crack. But when a relationship goes to hell, there’s no knowing what’s going to happen next. I’d been with Xee for less than a week when the romantic bliss came to an earth-shattering end.

In the space of one hour, my side mirror fell off doors, the drivers windows refused to close, at red lights on hills she stalled, spat, spluttered, and died. I powered her back up. Without a mirror I was scared to change lanes, I missed turn offs, and every slight hill she got worse.

People around us stopped and stared.

“Come-on baby, don’t give up on us yet!” I pleaded. But this wasn’t your ordinary domestic fit.

Xee delivered me home and took her last breath.

That night and the following two weeks were filled with doctor visits and hospital stays – from NRMA dudes telling me she was only running on two cylinders through to tow truck drivers and finally a kombi-specialist who delivered the final blast of bad news: it was fatal.

“Try to fix the cylinders and you’ll open a Pandora’s Box of problems.” Steve the mechanic shook his head. “She needs a new motor. I’m sorry to say but you bought a lemon.”

As if stealing my heart and my dreams wasn’t enough.

So here I am. In love with a kombi that just doesn’t want to love me in return.

“The timing just isn’t right for us,” she whispers to me, shedding a tear.

I could spend another $5k on her to get her back on the road, but that’s scraping the bottom of the barrel, using up money I need for trips to conferences and universities in Europe and the US later this year. Part of me wants to stay in Australia, but I know that’s not my path. And so, sad as it is to say, I know it’s time to part ways.

Some relationships last a long time, and some only a short time, but all relationships must eventually come to an end. The trick is to know when to say yes and give it your all, and when understand it’s best for both parties to let go.

Xee needs someone who can invest the time and money that will get her back to health. She needs to be in a relationship with someone who can give her the love she deserves.

without

Is there something that can be learned from this story, about loving without attachment?

Might this apply to love for a friend, boy/girlfriend, and even for material things like houses and kombis?

Is it possible to love without selfish motive? To love another in a way that puts whatever is best for the other before one’s own desire to be with them?

As I look back over our beautiful week together I know I will always remember the life and times I shared with Kombi Xee.

These moments of the past that will remain present, just a thought away, for the rest of my life.

The best human relationships are like that too. Relationships where moments of the past were lived so fully present that simply the thought of it brings the moments back to life. No matter how long or short a relationship, the best one’s live on forever: continuing to inspire, energise and make you smile.

The last month – the one week of highs and three weeks of lows that followed – are a reminder of life’s roller coaster. It might be exciting at times, scary at other times, and a little dull as you wait in line to do it again. But you can’t have one without the other. The lows are what makes the highs so great. The closeness of death makes life so exhilarating.

Kombi Xee has reminded me of the important things in my life: she reminded me to slow down, to allow time to reflect, to value experiences over money and things (even kombis), to be able to shrug my shoulders when frustrations occur, to have faith in the universe, and that if you follow it’s “signs” guiding you intuitively toward your “optimal trajectory”, the universe will take care of the rest.

Xee reminded me of the importance of letting go: letting go of fear, letting go of the things I tell myself I “need”, and to remember that you never know what new adventure lies beyond the horizon.

Me in Kombi Xee

Photos: most taken by my talented friend Melissa McCullough, and a couple from Sveinug Kiplesund (who’s a pretty good photographer too 😉 ).

HAVE YOU FALLEN IN LOVE WITH XEE???

I am going to put Xee on ebay, so if you feel you’re up for the challenge of this exciting but exhausting lover, then check it out:

http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=260742402596#ht_614wt_905

More details about her:

This is the original ad I responded to off Gumtree:

And this is the mechanic report I got last week:

Adventure, Random Life Stuff fear, kombi, Life in Oz, Narratology, optimal trajectory

Loving What Is

19 Feb ’11Written by Juliet Bennett

3 Comments

How often do you think or say “I love that I’m sick” or “I love it that I got a parking fine.” Never. Well I don’t. But that was the message I took away my conversation with three inspiring minds I had dinner with on Wednesday tonight: Love What Is.

Now I know I’ve spoken about this before. I distinctly remember writing about the need to accept everything just as it is, when I thought I was going to die in the back of a crazy driver’s loud-honking car winding up the mountains in India. But as the busyness of life takes over, you can never have too many reminders of positive affirmations. And I think to love what is going a step further than acceptance. Loving what is, even the shitty stuff we face, really means embracing it. And when we embrace our pains, they disappear. But is that easier said than done?

As the antipasto was placed on the table, my friend made a suggestion:

“Name the one biggest thing you need to let go of.”

The first thing that came to my mind was Kombi Xee, and the overnight loss. Attached to my kombi was an image of freedom, not to mention the $5k supposed to fund a trip to Europe I want to do on my way to America later this year. I shared the story with my new friends, and the fear I have associated with my stupid spontaneous decision – I thought my intuition was telling me to buy her. Still who the heck doesn’t get a mechanical check on a 36 year old car? (Note – I will get to the full kombi story share some other day).

The question bothering me in that moment was: Should I keep her in, or should I exchange her for peanuts?

“Now I suggest this to you… you have to let go of your attachment to stories. Freedom is found inside you, not in the kombi. You need to let it go. Let go of any fears. Accept you’ve lost the money, and do whatever feels right to you.”

It’s not easy to let go of things you love. And while I understand the need to let go of stories, and my kombi, I just don’t know if I’m ready to. I’m trying to listen to my intuition, to be open to the signs of the universe, but sometimes those signs are simply unclear.

“I love that my kombi broke down a few days after I bought it.” I’m saying it, but I don’t mean it. I really wish I got at least a few months of fun out of it, didn’t lose my money, and didn’t have to borrow my sister’s old car that I’ll have to get registered in less than a month.

“I love that this kombi experience taught me a lesson to be careful in the future.” I’m saying it but I don’t mean it. While I’ll definitely get a mechanical check next time I buy a second hand car, I’m sure this experience won’t stop my tendency to make spontaneous crazy decisions when I feel so inclined.

Let’s try again. “I love that my kombi broke down a few days after I bought it.”

The only way I might mean it, is if at some point, some future point of hindsight, I see a purpose for it. Maybe I should put it at my grandmas house in storage for a year until I can have time and money to get it back on the road.

Let’s try again: let it go. Whatever happens doesn’t matter. The money is gone. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. Kombi or no kombi, everything will work out.

If you let go of the stories that you are attached to, if you let go of fear, if you let go of expectations, and if you live every moment with acceptance and love for all that is, you will lead a happy life.

I still don’t know what I’m going to do with this kombi. Should I keep it or should I sell it? Can I sell it, or is Xee now a worthless piece of junk? I suppose if I ask the universe, the answer will soon become clear… Either way I have to try, to love this situation just as it is.

Random Life Stuff, Truth Life in Oz, Life philosophy