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Chapter 28 – Size Does Matter (Rio de Janeiro)

When it comes to Brazilian butts, as you see in the clip below, SIZE DOES NOT MATTER. You got it, you flaunt it baby. But according to a drug dealer Rachel and Lola meet on the streets of Lapa, when it comes to something else size does matter…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56sdnxQucuk[/youtube]

Here’s a funny little snippet from Chapter 28:

‘Cool. Ok, so what happened next?’ I ask Rachel, interested in where this story was going.

‘Next we walk up the hill, and meet a young girl in really tiny shorts, a very tiny top and a belly button ring which kind of sat on top of her very big stomach like a cherry on top of a cupcake. She was showing us how to samba, in a very expressive way. She was a bit rough around the edges but the story we got was that she was the mother of five because her boyfriend doesn’t like to wear condoms. I guess they haven’t heard of other forms of contraceptives, I don’t know. And she went on to say that she doesn’t like Brazilian men, she likes blonde men. And one of her children had blonde hair, she is not quite sure how. She said black Brazilian men are not nice – their penises are too big and they hit their women.’

‘No stereotyping going on here,’ I laugh.

‘We later found out, 20 or so min later, when the police turned up, that she was a drug dealer. But on the way home we surmised she must have been a pretty good drug dealer, because she didn’t try to tell us any drugs. She was more interested in telling us about her life and her existence than selling us drugs. She must have been a drug dealer with a conscience. She loved sex. She made a point of saying that. And she hand shake she went like this, like this, like this and like that, and then she hit her fanny!’ Rachel grabs my hand in different arrangements and slaps her pubic bone. I start laughing uncontrollably. Trust Rachel to leave nothing to the imagination.

‘Then she was doing the whole dance behind you, let it all out, thing. So she was a very very expressive woman. But she was out and proud, you know, like the belly was there. It looked like she had had had children, but she wasn’t hiding it. She had the belly button ring going. It was good. She looked young. Younger than us. But maybe that’s the Brazilian skin. And she said to us, “Do you like black men? You want a black man? Have you been with a black man? Just warning, you they have big penises. Do you like big penises?” and I said, “well I don’t know” and she said, “well theirs are really too big.” She goes, “I can’t do it.” And coming from a woman who loves sex, I thought, that’s saying a lot!’ Rachel laughs.

‘Well… there you go,’ I say, shaking my head and with a big grin across my face. ‘Maybe size does matter.’

MUSIC CREDITS:

Cash Money, The Beautiful Girls.

Chapter 27 – Beauty in Imperfection (Florianapolis)

Brazilian beaches – the best in the world. Coming from an Aussie that’s a pretty big call. But seriously, check out the pineapple cachaca cocktail… and the bar tender 😛

Oooo and I discovered the magic ingredient to that cocktail! Lucky I took notes. Inside that pineapple you will find a blend of  pineapple (obviously), cachaca (a spirit made from sugarcane), ice and… sweetened condensed milk.

Ok, so I recently discovered cachaca is available (at ten times the cost, but still available) in Australia, so now we just need the freedom to put a few cute bartenders on our beaches… then we’ll be giving Brazil a run for their money…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EMyO5ADduo[/youtube]

MUSIC CREDITS:

Tease me, Unknown.

Chapter 26 – One Big Cliche (Sao Paulo)

The concrete jungle mega-city where I experienced my very first taste of acai (ah-sigh-ee) – the wild Amazonian berry that tastes like frozen chocolate and is full of vitamins, minerals and antioxidents that give you an energy hit and allegedly make you lose weight. My friend imports it to Oz in pulp and powder, and I happen to be drinking a mixture of acai, banana and ice right now. Mmmmm mmmm! Check out www.riolife.com.au if you wanna taste the purple goodness…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPJBWrcJF50[/youtube]

MUSIC CREDITS:

Sao Paulo, Morcheeba

Over it… almost.

It has been a VERY long weekend.

From blind dates to lost dogs, movies with sisters, drinks with friends, pub crawls, drunken falls, sprained ankles, frustrating lockouts, more drinks, a Girltalk concert, Oxford St clubs, waterskiing on the harbour, Australia Day bbqs, more beer, and a creamy pavlova – all since my last post.

We found our dog after hours of search and worry. My real estate let me into my apartment after hours of impatient waiting. My ankle is sore and swollen but feeling better no thanks to my abusive dancing the next night and waterskiing the day after that. It was a long weekend but it was an awesome one.

On reflection, it has actually been a very long holiday.

Ever since I moved to the city I have justified almost every invitation as “making up for the last two years of my twenties spent living like I was in my eighties” and anyway, “I’m on holidays” right?

But when are my holidays going to end? Seeing as I don’t plan to officially be at uni till mid-year, it is really up to me…

It’s been fun. I’ve had enough alcohol, sugar and fatty foods to last the rest of the year. I’ve had a great summer. I love my new life in the city. But I have now landed at that point where enough is enough.

I’m ready go back to work. I’m ready to find some pilates classes to teach. I’m ready to get started on uni readings and work long and hard on my other projects. I am looking forward to getting my body back in top form – and I’m hoping a bikini catalogue in March will provide the motivation to make it happen.

As ready as I am and as much as I want to start it all right away, I can’t.

I have friends to come over for a housewarming/pub crawl this Friday – so I can’t give up alcohol quite yet. I have a sprained ankle so I can’t get fit or start teaching pilates quite yet. And I’m a bit tired from the weekend’s ordeal so I’m not sure how productive my mind is going to be. And there’s still too much chocolate in my house.

February. I’ll start in February. Just a few days to go… may as well live out the holiday mode till then.

Chapter 23 – Melting Ice (Patagonia)

A long long (but fun) bus trip down route 40 brought us to El Calafate in South Argentina where we thought we would see “Climate Change” in action. Glaciar Perito Moreno melted before our very eyes but it is interesting to note that it has always done this and is actually one of the few glaciers that is still growing. We then made our way back up along the East Coast up to Rio Colorado where Rachel sought the secrets to sharing it’s water… my favourite moment was the ant at the end… and sorry – I couldn’t help but add my corny subtitles 🙂

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZSjunB31Ug[/youtube]

Music Credits:

Across The Universe, Jim Sturgess – Across The Universe Soundtrack

Across The Universe, Alicia Keys, Alison Krauss, Billie Joe Armstrong, Bono, Brian Wilson, Norah Jones, Steven Tyler, Stevie Wonder, Tim McGraw & Velvet Revolver.

Chapter 22 – Doing a Bariloche

Argh! Holiday season had hit. No where to stay, and no way to leave – we learned an important lesson for the remainder of our trip: book accommodation and transport at least one day/night ahead.

Don’t “Do a Bariloche” again!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG-fFgd_GJA[/youtube]

Music Credits:

With A Little Help From My Friends

Jim Sturgess & Joe Anderson – Across The Universe Soundtrack

Alcoholic flowers

How would it feel to have consciousness without a brain?

Check out these flowers! My cousins gave them to me sometime between Christmas and New Year when they popped by to check out my new home. I didn’t have a large vase so we hunted around for something and settled on the empty cachaca bottle awaiting me to put it in recycling. I’m not the best with changing water on flowers, or watering plants for that matter, and look what I discovered!

Flowers like alcohol!

It makes them all genki and happy and stuff.

The flowers in the water diluted ever so little with a remaining drop of cachaca (the best spirit in the world – that comes from Brazil) look like they’re going to last forever, while the ones in the glass are whithering away. And the water with alcohol stays clean too – I’ve only changed the water in the Cachaca bottle once, while the small vase that had the left-over flowers in it has constantly gone mildewy and needed changing many-a-times.

What does this mean?

Do flowers have a consciousness and are they high on this water??!

Should I be feeding my plants a drop of spirits too?

Can alcohol have similar life-extending benefits for me too?

Or is it just making the dying process a more enjoyable one?

Either way… another bottle of cachaca please!!!